- Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course! The Empire State Building can’t jump!
- How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator? By the footprints in the butter!
- If April showers bring Mayflowers, what do Mayflowers bring? Pilgrims!
- What can you catch but not throw? A cold!
- What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming? “Here come the grapes!” (She was colorblind.)
- What did one hat say to the other? Stay here, I’m going on ahead.
- What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming? “Here come the elephants!”
- What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
- What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop!
- What falls in winter but never gets hurt? The snow!
- What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
- What has hands but can’t clap? A clock!
- What is brown and sticky? A stick!
- What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!
- Which side of a turkey has the most feathers? The outside!
- Where do fish keep their money? In the river bank!
- Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go!
- Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide!
- Why did the elephant paint himself in different colors? So he could hide in the crayon box!
- Why did the gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chicken’s foot!
- Why did the man run around his bed? Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!
- Why did the math book look so sad? Because it had so many problems!
- Why did the picture go to jail? It was framed!
- Why did the teacher put on sunglasses? Because her students were so bright!
- Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs!
- Why do sharks swim in saltwater? Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
- How can you tell if someone is a good farmer? He is outstanding in his field!
- How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity? Shocked!
- How do all the oceans say hello to each other? They wave!
- How do mountains stay warm in winter? Snowcaps
- How do you keep a bull from charging? Take away its credit card!
- How do you keep an elephant from charging? Take away her credit card!
- How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed? Your head hits the ceiling!
- How do you make a lemon drop? Just let go of it!
- What animal needs to wear a wig? A bald eagle!
- What did one plate say to the other? Dinner is on me!
- What did one wall say to the other wall? I’ll meet you at the corner!
- What did the frog order for lunch? A burger and a diet croak!
- What did the traffic light say to the truck? Don’t look! I’m changing!
- What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt!
- What do cows order from? Cattle-logs!
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
- What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean meat!
- What do you call a dog that can tell time? A watchdog!
- What do you call a flower that runs on electricity? A power plant!
- What do you call a fly without wings? A walk!
- What do you call a fly without wings? A walk.
- What do you call a man with a shovel? Doug.
- What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!
- What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
- What do you call the horse that lives next door? Your neighbor!
- What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire Frostbite!
- What does an evil hen lay? Deviled eggs!
- What has a ton of ears but can’t hear a thing? A cornfield.
- What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
- What is the difference between elephants and grapes? The grapes are purple.
- What is the witch’s favorite school subject? Spelling!
- What kind of haircuts do bees get? Buzzzzcuts!
- What kind of room doesn’t have doors? A mushroom!
- What’s the difference between broccoli and boogers? Kids don’t eat broccoli!
- Where do cows go for entertainment? To the moo-vies!
- Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him!
- Which hand is better to write with? Neither. It’s better to write with a pencil!
- Why are elephants so wrinkled? Because they take too long to iron!
- Why are ghosts, bad liars? Because you can see right through them!
- Why can’t a person’s nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be afoot!
- Why couldn’t the pony sing in the choir? Because she was a little horse!
- Why did the boy throw his clock out the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
- Why did the cookie go to the nurse? Because he felt crummy!
- Why did the teddy bear not want any dessert? Because she was stuffed!
- Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs!
- Why should you never trust a pig with a secret? Because it’s bound to squeal.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? A little old lady? A little old lady who? I didn’t know you could yodel!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cows go. Cows go who? No, cows go MOO!
