Top 100 Jokes of All Time

Discover the Ultimate Collection of Hilarious One-Liners, Clever Puns, and Timeless Jokes

These jokes have been carefully selected for their timeless humor, clever wordplay, and universal appeal. Whether classic one-liners, witty puns, or everyday observations, they continue to make people laugh across generations.

1. Anti-Gravity: “I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!”
2. Mathematics: “Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.”
3. Atoms: “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!”
4. Chicken Crossing: “Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.”
5. Eyebrow Surprise: “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.”
6. Seafood Diet: “I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.”
7. Programmers & Nature: “Why don’t programmers like nature? It has too many bugs.”
8. Construction Pun: “I would tell you a construction pun, but I’m still working on it.”
9. Piano by Ear: “I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.”
10. Lifesavers: “Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? He made a mint!”
11. Parallel Lines: “Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.”
12. Shoes & Dealers: “I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!”
13. Baseball Hit: “I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.”
14. Broken Arm: “I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.”
15. No Rhyme for Orange: “My friend says, ‘What rhymes with orange?’ I said, ‘No it doesn’t!’”
16. Swiss Flag: “What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.”
17. Moon Restaurant: “Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.”
18. Space Party: “How do you organize a space party? You planet.”
19. Scarecrow Award: “Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.”
20. Calendar Factory: “I used to have a job at a calendar factory, but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.”
21. North Korean Friend: “I asked my North Korean friend how it was there—he said he couldn’t complain.”
22. Orange & Parrot: “What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.”
23. Soft Drink: “I got hit in the head with a can of soda today. Luckily, it was a soft drink.”
24. Trampoline Attire: “What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a trampoline and a well-dressed man on a trampoline? Attire.”
25. Kit-Kat Computer: “I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me Kit-Kat ads.”
26. Penguin Home: “How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.”
27. Gym Relationships: “Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.”
28. Banker Pun: “I used to be a banker but I lost interest.”
29. Grape Wine: “What did the grape do when he got stepped on? Nothing, he just let out a little wine.”
30. Sticky Stick: “What’s brown and sticky? A stick.”
31. Math Book Problems: “Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.”
32. Space for an Astronaut: “Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.”
33. Red Paint: “What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.”
34. Fake Spaghetti: “What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.”
35. Train’s Lunch: “How does a train eat? It goes chew chew.”
36. Time Travel: “I would tell a joke about time travel, but you didn’t like it.”
37. Coffee Mugged: “Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.”
38. Watch Belt: “What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.”
39. Stubborn Boomerang: “What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick.”
40. Pun in Ten: “I told my friend 10 jokes to get him to laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did.”
41. Nacho Cheese: “What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.”
42. Live Stream Fishing: “What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.”
43. Ocean Wave: “What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.”
44. Fish Wall: “What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam.”
45. Missing the Fog: “I tried to catch some fog yesterday. I mist.”
46. Melting Snowman: “What do you call a snowman in summer? A puddle.”
47. Pickling Experience: “How does a cucumber become a pickle? It goes through a jarring experience.”
48. Hokey Pokey: “I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.”
49. Sleeping Bull: “What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.”
50. Cat Pile: “What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.”
51. Heavy vs. Lighter: “What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.”
52. Wife’s Counting: “I asked my wife if I was the only one she had ever been with. She said yes— all the others were nines and tens.”
53. Fish Without Eyes: “What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.”
54. Moses’ Brew: “How does Moses make his coffee? He brews it.”
55. Cow Grounded: “What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.”
56. Tomato Blush: “Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.”
57. Toothless Bear: “What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.”
58. Indecision: “I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.”
59. Seven Ate Nine: “Why was six scared of seven? Because seven eight nine.”
60. Stuck on Glue: “I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.”
61. Hot Stadium: “Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All of the fans left.”
62. Shellfish Oysters: “Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish.”
63. Investigator Gator: “What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.”
64. Kleptomaniac Cure: “I used to be a kleptomaniac, but I took something for it.”
65. Rubber Toe: “What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.”
66. Hat Trick: “What did one hat say to the other? You stay here, I’ll go on a head.”
67. Fishy Sushi: “I would avoid the sushi if I were you. It’s a little fishy.”
68. Elevator Fight: “I once got into a fight with a broken elevator. It was an uplifting experience.”
69. Sick Computer: “Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus.”
70. Cookie Crumble: “Why did the cookie cry? Because his mom was a wafer too long.”
71. Unmade Bed: “I told a joke about a bed—it hasn’t been made up yet.”
72. Sore Pony: “What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little hoarse.”
73. Holy Water: “How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.”
74. Cheesy Pizza: “I would tell a joke about pizza, but it’s too cheesy.”
75. Bakery Job: “I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.”
76. Seatbelt Click: “I couldn’t figure out how to put my seatbelt on. Then it clicked.”
77. Rubber Band History: “I’m reading a book on the history of rubber bands. It’s a stretch.”
78. Playground Kidnapping: “Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? They woke up.”
79. Skeleton Band: “What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument? The trom-bone.”
80. Embracing Mistakes: “I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me.”
81. Speed Bumps: “I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.”
82. Reverse Psychology: “I’m reading a book on reverse psychology. Don’t bother trying to stop me.”
83. Golf Pants: “Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.”
84. Wall Meeting: “What did one wall say to the other? ‘I’ll meet you at the corner.’”
85. Four-Chin Teller: “What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.”
86. Pizza Repair: “How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.”
87. Magic Dog: “What do you call a dog that can do magic? A labracadabrador.”
88. Bicycle Blues: “Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.”
89. Squirrel Trap: “How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.”
90. Snowman Breakfast: “What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Ice Krispies.”
91. Banana Peel: “Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.”
92. Earless Bear: “What do you call a bear with no ears? B.”
93. Liquid Assets: “Why did the man put his money in the blender? Because he wanted to make some liquid assets.”
94. Stage Fall: “Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage.”
95. Egg-citing Humor: “Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.”
96. Butter Spread: “I once heard a joke about butter, but I shouldn’t spread it around.”
97. Octopus Tap Dance: “What do you call an octopus that loves to dance? A tap-tentacle.”
98. Rainy Day: “I tried to play hide and seek in the rain, but I got soaked in the process.”
99. Mirror Compliments: “I looked in the mirror and said, ‘Wow, you’re amazing!’ The mirror cracked from the pressure.”
100. Coffee’s Day Off: “I asked my coffee if it wanted to join me on a break—it said it was already brewed for it!”

We hope you enjoyed our carefully curated list of the top 100 jokes of all time. Whether you’re in need of a quick laugh or looking to share a smile with friends and family, these jokes have something for everyone. Remember to share your favorites and join the conversation—laughter truly is the best medicine. Check back regularly for more updates on the best humor and comedy content available online!

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