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What do you call a crazy chicken?
A cuckoo-cluck. -
How do fish get to school?
They ride the octobus. -
How does an elephant get out of a small car?
The same way that he got in. -
What do you call a kangaroo in Africa?
Lost. -
Where do you take sick ponies?
To the horsepital. -
Which bird is always out of breath?
A puffin. -
If you had fifteen cows and five goats, what would you have?
Plenty of milk. -
Why do dairy farmers never have to cut the grass?
Because they have plenty of lawn-mooers. -
Where did the pioneers keep their pigs?
In hog cabins. -
What kind of fish will help you hear better?
A herring aid. -
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the shell station. -
Why do elephants have wrinkly ankles?
Because their shoes are too tight. -
What do you call a pig thief?
A hamburglar. -
What’s the best way to keep milk from turning sour?
Leave it inside the cow. -
What did the dog take when he was run down?
The license number of the car that hit him. -
What’s blue and has big ears?
An elephant at the North Pole. -
What goes “peck, bang, peck, bang, peck, bang”?
A bunch of chickens in a room filled with balloons. -
How do you take a pig to the hospital?
In a hambulance. -
Why did the owl howl?
Because the woodpecker would peck her. -
What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
An egg-splosion. -
What has four legs and flies?
A pig. -
What do you give a sick bird?
Medical tweetment. -
What is a polygon?
A dead parrot. -
Why did the dog take a bag of oats to bed at night?
To feed his nightmares. -
What kind of shoes do frogs like?
Open toad sandals. -
What do you call a clever duck?
A wise quacker. -
What’s gray with red spots?
An elephant with the measles. -
What kind of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog. -
How do you know that owls are smarter than chickens?
Have you ever heard of Kentucky Fried Owl? -
What is the cat’s favorite TV show?
The evening mews. -
What do snakes have written on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers. -
What’s the difference between an elephant and a piece of paper?
You can’t do your homework on an elephant. -
What bird steals from the rich to give to the poor?
Robin Hood. -
Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Because it’s too far to walk. -
What do you call a cat that has just eaten a whole duck?
A duck-filled fatty puss. -
What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
A croaker spaniel. -
What flies through the jungle singing opera?
The Parrots of Penzance. -
Why did the salamander feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area. -
What did the Dalmatian say after a big meal?
That hit the spots. -
What did the cow buy a new MP3 player?
Because she loves listening to moosic. -
What’s big and gray and lives in a lake in Scotland?
The Loch Ness Elephant. -
What happened to the elephant who ran away with the circus?
The police made him bring it back. -
What does a cat call a bowl of mice?
A purrfect meal. -
What game do cows play at parties?
Moosical chairs. -
What do you give a pony with a cold?
Cough stirrup. -
Why was the cat so small?
Because it only ate condensed milk. -
Why did the farmer take his cow dancing?
He was in the mood for a milkshake. -
What do you get if you cross a snake and a Lego set?
A boa constructor. -
What snakes are good at math?
Adders. -
Which hand would you use to pick up a dangerous snake?
Someone else’s. -
How are cats like coins?
They have a head on one end and a tail on the other. -
What have 12 legs, six eyes, three tails and can’t see?
Three blind mice. -
What’s a snake’s favorite song?
“Snake, Rattle, & Roll”. -
What’s a toad’s favorite ballet?
Swamp Lake. -
What do cats read in the morning?
Mewspapers. -
What do you call a scared dinosaur?
A nervous rex. -
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The Fairy Cod Mother. -
What does a twenty-pound mouse say to a cat?
“Here kitty, kitty, kitty.” -
Why did the dog’s owner think his dog was a great mathematician?
When he asked the dog what six minus six was, the dog said nothing. -
What did the snail say when she road on the turtle’s back?
“Wheeeeeeeeeeee!” -
Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?
He wanted to get a long little doggie. -
What is a frog’s favorite warm drink?
Hot croako. -
Why is a chipmunk braver than a hen?
Because the chipmunk isn’t chicken. -
What did the cat do after he swallowed some cheese?
He waited by the mouse hole with baited breath. -
How do you raise a baby elephant?
With a fork lift. -
Why do elephants have flat feet?
From jumping out of tall trees. -
Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper?
The elevator was broken. -
How do you make a green gorilla?
Cross a blue gorilla with a yellow one. -
If you put 20 tigers, 10 gorillas, and 1 elephant in your kitchen, what do you have?
A very large kitchen. -
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show?
“Whale Of Fortune”. -
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine. -
What’s a frog’s favorite candy?
Lollihops. -
What did the dog tell his owner when he saw the dogcatcher coming?
Nothing. Dogs don’t talk. -
What do you name an elephant that lies across the middle of a tennis court?
Annette. -
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in squares. -
What gray, has a wand and huge wings, and gives money to young elephants?
The tusk fairy. -
What is a mouse’s favorite game?
Hide and squeak. -
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor. -
Why did the cat sleep under the car?
Because she wanted to wake up oily. -
How many hairs are in a dog’s tail?
None. They are all on the outside. -
What’s gray and lights up?
An electric elephant. -
Why didn’t the boy advertise in the paper when his dog was lost?
His dog never reads the paper. -
What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
Morse Toad. -
What’s gray, carries a bunch of flowers, and cheers you up when you are sick?
A get wellephant. -
What do you do if your dog eats your pen?
Use a pencil instead. -
What’s big and gray with horns?
An elephant marching band. -
Why is a dog like a baseball player?
He runs for home when he sees the catcher coming. -
What’s the difference between an injured elephant and a thunderstorm?
One roars with pain and the other pours with rain. -
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies. -
What is an octopus’s favorite song?
“I Wanna Hold Your Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand”. -
What do you call a mouse that can pick up an elephant?
Sir. -
What’s gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside?
A mouse sandwich. -
Why do dogs lie down?
They can’t lie up. -
What’s the best way to see a charging herd of elephants?
On television. -
Why does a dog scratch himself?
He is the only one that knows where it itches. -
Why was the frog sad?
He was unhoppy. -
What’s gray and beautiful and wears glass slippers?
Cinderelephant. -
Why is a dog so warm in summer?
He wears a coat and pants. -
Why wasn’t the dog hurt when he fell off a 100-foot ladder?
He fell from the bottom rung. -
Why does a stork stand on one leg?
Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one. -
What cereal goes “Snap! Crackle! Squeak!”?
Mice Krispies. -
What pill would you give to an elephant that can’t sleep?
A trunkquilizer. -
What do you do if you find a venomous snake in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished. -
When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
When you’re a mouse. -
What’s big and gray and protects you from the rain?
An umbrellaphant. -
Why do you need a license for a dog but not for a cat?
Cats can’t drive. -
What weighs 4 tons and is bright red?
An elephant holding its breath. -
How do fleas travel from place to place?
By itch hiking. -
What’s yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
An elephant in a banana costume. -
Why do birds fly south in Winter?
Because it’s too far to walk. -
What do you call a monkey with an elephant on his head?
Squashed. -
Why can’t you find a good animal doctor?
Animals have a hard time getting into medical school. -
Why did the hen go halfway across the road and stop?
She wanted to lay it on the line. -
What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?
“Let us prey.”
