- What do you call a crazy chicken?
A cuckoo-cluck.
- How do fish get to school?
They ride the octobus.
- How does an elephant get out of a small car?
The same way that he got in.
- What do you call a kangaroo in Africa?
Lost.
- Where do you take sick ponies?
To the horsepital.
- Which bird is always out of breath?
A puffin.
- If you had fifteen cows and five goats, what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
- Why do dairy farmers never have to cut the grass?
Because they have plenty of lawn-mooers.
- Where did the pioneers keep their pigs?
In hog cabins.
- What kind of fish will help you hear better?
A herring aid.
- Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the shell station.
- Why do elephants have wrinkly ankles?
Because their shoes are too tight.
- What do you call a pig thief?
A hamburglar.
- What’s the best way to keep milk from turning sour?
Leave it inside the cow.
- What did the dog take when he was run down?
The license number of the car that hit him.
- What’s blue and has big ears?
An elephant at the North Pole.
- What goes “peck, bang, peck, bang, peck, bang”?
A bunch of chickens in a room filled with balloons.
- How do you take a pig to hospital?
In a hambulance.
- Why did the owl howl?
Because the woodpecker would peck her.
- What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
An egg-splosion.
- What has four legs and flies?
A pig.
- What do you give a sick bird?
Medical tweetment.
- What is a polygon?
A dead parrot.
- Why did the dog take a bag of oats to bed at night?
To feed his nightmares.
- What kind of shoes do frogs like?
Open toad sandals.
- What do you call a clever duck?
A wise quacker.
- What’s gray with red spots?
An elephant with the measles.
- What kind of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
- How do you know that owls are smarter than chickens?
Have you ever heard of Kentucky Fried Owl?
- What is the cat’s favorite TV show?
The evening mews.
- What do snakes have written on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
- What’s the difference between an elephant and a piece of paper?
You can’t do your homework on an elephant.
- What bird steals from the rich to give to the poor?
Robin Hood.
- Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Because it’s too far to walk.
- What do you call a cat that has just eaten a whole duck?
A duck-filled fatty puss.
- What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
A croaker spaniel.
- What flies through the jungle singing opera?
The Parrots of Penzance.
- Why did the salamander feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
- What did the Dalmatian say after a big meal?
That hit the spots.
- What did the cow buy a new MP3 player?
Because she loves listening to moosic.
- What’s big and gray and lives in a lake in Scotland?
The Loch Ness Elephant.
- What happened to the elephant who ran away with the circus?
The police made him bring it back.
- What does a cat call a bowl of mice?
A purrfect meal.
- What game do cows play at parties?
Moosical chairs.
- What do you give a pony with a cold?
Cough stirrup.
- Why was the cat so small?
Because it only ate condensed milk.
- Why did the farmer take his cow dancing?
He was in the mood for a milkshake.
- What do you get if you cross a snake and a Lego set?
A boa constructor.
- What snakes are good at math?
Adders.
- Which hand would you use to pick up a dangerous snake?
Someone else’s.
- How are cats like coins?
They have a head on one end and a tail on the other.
- What have 12 legs, six eyes, three tails and can’t see?
Three blind mice.
- What’s a snake’s favorite song?
“Snake, Rattle, & Roll”.
- What’s a toad’s favorite ballet?
Swamp Lake.
- What do cats read in the morning?
Mewspapers.
- What do you call a scared dinosaur?
A nervous rex.
- Who granted the fish’s wish?
The Fairy Cod Mother.
- What does a twenty-pound mouse say to a cat?
“Here kitty, kitty, kitty.”
- Why did the dog’s owner think his dog was a great mathematician?
When he asked the dog what six minus six was, the dog said nothing.
- What did the snail say when she road on the turtle’s back?
“Wheeeeeeeeeeee!”
- Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?
He wanted to get a long little doggie.
- What is a frog’s favorite warm drink?
Hot croako.
- Why is a chipmunk braver than a hen?
Because te chipmunk isn’t chicken.
- What did the cat do after he swallowed some cheese?
He waited by the mouse hole with baited breath.
- How do you raise a baby elephant?
With a fork lift.
- Why do elephants have flat feet?
From jumping out of tall trees.
- Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper?
The elevator was broken.
- How do you make a green gorilla?
Cross a blue gorilla with a yellow one.
- If you put 20 tigers, 10 gorillas, and 1 elephant in your kitchen, what do you have?
A very large kitchen.
- What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show?
“Whale Of Fortune”.
- What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
- What’s a frog’s favorite candy?
Lollihops.
- What did the dog tell his owner when he saw the dogcatcher coming?
Nothing. Dogs don’t talk.
- What do you name an elephant that lies across the middle of a tennis court?
Annette.
- Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in squares.
- What gray, has a wand and huge wings, and gives money to young elephants?
The tusk fairy.
- What is a mouse’s favorite game?
Hide and squeak.
- What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
- Why did the cat sleep under the car?
Because she wanted to wake up oily.
- How many hairs are in a dog’s tail?
None. They are all on the outside.
- What’s gray and lights up?
An electric elephant.
- Why didn’t the boy advertise in the paper when his dog was lost?
His dog never reads the paper.
- What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
Morse Toad.
- What’s gray, carries a bunch of flowers, and cheers you up when you are sick?
A get wellephant.
- What do you do if your dog eats your pen?
Use a pencil instead.
- What’s big and gray with horns?
An elephant marching band.
- Why is a dog like a baseball player?
He runs for home when he sees the catcher coming.
- What’s the difference between an injured elephant and a thunderstorm?
One roars with pain and the other pours with rain.
- What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
- What is an octopus’s favorite song?
“I Wanna Hold Your Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand”.
- What do you call a mouse that can pick up an elephant?
Sir.
- What’s gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside?
A mouse sandwich.
- Why do dogs lie down?
They can’t lie up.
- What’s the best way to see a charging herd of elephants?
On television.
- Why does a dog scratch himself?
He is the only one that knows where it itches.
- Why was the frog sad?
He was unhoppy.
- What’s gray and beautiful and wears glass slippers?
Cinderelephant.
- Why is a dog so warm in summer?
He wears a coat and pants.
- Why wasn’t the dog hurt when he fell off a 100-foot ladder?
He fell from the bottom rung.
- Why does a stork stand on one leg?
Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
- What cereal goes “Snap! Crackle! Squeak!”?
Mice Krispies.
- What pill would you give to an elephant that can’t sleep?
A trunkquilizer.
- What do you do if you find a venomous snake in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
- When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
When you’re a mouse.
- What’s big and gray and protects you from the rain?
An umbrellaphant.
- Why do you need a license for a dog but not for a cat?
Cats can’t drive.
- What weighs 4 tons and is bright red?
An elephant holding its breath.
- How do fleas travel from place to place?
By itch hiking.
- What’s yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
An elephant in a banana costume.
- Why do birds fly south in Winter?
Because its too far to walk.
- What do you call a monkey with an elephant on his head?
Squashed.
- Why can’t you find a good animal doctor?
Animals have a hard time getting into medical school.
- Why did the hen go halfway across the road and stop?
She wanted to lay it on the line.
- What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?
“Let us prey.”
