Top 50 Jokes of 2018

Jokes About People

Question: Why did the opera singer go sailing?
Answer: She wanted to hit the high Cs.
Question: Why did the policeman go to the baseball game?
Answer: He’d heard that someone had stolen a base!

Question: When do doctors get mad?
Answer: When they run out of patients (as in, “patience”).

Question: What did the judge say to the dentist?
Answer: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?

Question: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
Answer: In case he got a hole in one.

Question: Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?
Answer: He wanted to win the no-bell prize.

Question: What did the fisherman say to the magician?
Answer: Pick a cod, any cod!

Question: What do prisoners use to call each other?
Answer: Cell phones.

Question: What kind of shoes do all spies wear?
Answer: Sneak-ers.

Question: What is a cheerleader’s favorite drink?
Answer: Root-beer.

Jokes About School

Question: What do elves learn at school?
Answer: The Elf-abet.

Question: Why was the math book sad?
Answer: Because it had so many problems.

Question: What did the calculator say to the math student?
Answer: You can count on me.

Question: Why did the boy bring the ladder to school?
Answer: He was going to high school.

Question: Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed?
Answer: She couldn’t control her pupils.

Question: Why was the student’s report card wet?
Answer: It was below C level!

Question: What three candies can you find in every school?
Answer: Nerds, DumDums, and Smarties.

Question: What did the buffalo say to his kid when he dropped him off at school?
Answer: Bison (“bye, son”)!

Question: What’s a snake’s favorite subject?
Answer: Hisstory.

Question: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses inside?
Answer: Her students were so bright!

Jokes About Different Objects

Question: Where do pencils go on vacation?
Answer: Pencil-vania.

Question: Why couldn’t the bike stand up?
Answer: It was too tired.

Question: Why did the drum take a nap?
Answer: It was beat.

Question: What did one penny say to another penny?
Answer: We make cents.

Question: Why are teddy bears never hungry?
Answer: Because they’re always stuffed!

Question: What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?
Answer: Look, grandpa! No hands!

Question: What did one eye say to the other eye?
Answer: Don’t look now, but something between us smells.

Question: What did the blanket say to the bed?
Answer: Don’t worry: I’ve got you covered!

Question: Why did the computer go to the doctor?
Answer: It had a virus.

Question: What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
Answer: A tube-a toothpaste.

Easy Riddles for Kids

Question: What kind of lion never roars?
Answer: A dande-lion!
Question: What runs around a yard without actually moving?
Answer: A fence.

Question: What gets wetter the more it dries?
Answer: A towel.

Question: What is the longest word in the dictionary?
Answer: “Smiles,” because there’s a “mile” between each “s.”

Question: What has a bed that you can’t sleep in?
Answer: A river.

Question: What has four wheels and flies?
Answer: A garbage truck.aa

Question: When is a door not a door?
Answer: When it’s a-jar.

Question: When does Friday come before Thursday?
Answer: In the dictionary.

Question: What comes down, but never comes up?
Answer: Rain.

Question: What starts with the letter “t,” is filled with “t,” and ends in “t”?
Answer: A teapot.

Question: What can be broken, but can’t be held?
Answer: A promise.

Question: What has a face and two hands, but no arms or legs?
Answer: A clock.

Question: A cowboy rides into town on Friday, stays for three days, then leaves on Friday. How did he do it?
Answer: His horse’s name was Friday.

Question: What never asks questions, but is often answered?
Answer: A doorbell.

Question: What kind of button doesn’t unbutton?
Answer: A belly button.

Question: Everyone has it, and no one can lose it. What is it?
Answer: A shadow.

Jokes About Animals

Question: What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?
Answer: A spelling bee.

Question: Where do cows go for entertainment?
Answer: The mooooo-vies!

Question: What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep?
Answer: A stega-snore-us.

Question: Why couldn’t the pony sing?
Answer: Because she was a little hoarse.

Question: Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
Answer: The baa-baa shop.

Question: What do you get when you cross a snake with a pie?
Answer: A pie-thon!

Question: What’s the most musical part of the chicken?
Answer: The drumstick.

Question: What do you call a group of disorganized cats?
Answer: A cat-tastrophe.

Question: How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh?
Answer: Ten-tickles.

Question: Why did the chicken get a penalty?
Answer: For fowl play.