The countdown is on! Share a silly resolution, crack a calendar joke, or let everyone guess the punchline before the clock strikes twelve. These clean jokes are made for kids and grown-ups to tell together.
The countdown is on! Share a silly resolution, crack a calendar joke, or let everyone guess the punchline before the clock strikes twelve. These clean jokes are made for kids and grown-ups to tell together.
Read all 40 jokes, browse by topic, or choose our top 12. Hide the punchlines to let everyone guess, then reveal the answers together.
Print your favorite jokes
Select the jokes you like to make your own printable joke sheets, print our top 12, or print all 40. Every sheet includes questions and answers. Preview your sheets, then print or choose Save as PDF in your browser.
Clocks & countdowns
What did the new year say to the old year?
“You’re history!”
Why did the clock pack a suitcase for New Year’s Eve?
It heard time flies!
Who’s the best person to lead a New Year’s countdown?
Count Dracula!
How does a clock applaud the new year?
It puts its hands together!
What does a hungry clock do at the New Year’s party?
It goes back four seconds!
What did 11:59 say to 12:00 on New Year’s Eve?
“See you next year!”
Why did the clock blush at midnight?
Everyone was staring at its face!
Why was the clock so careful during the countdown?
It knew every second counted!
Calendar giggles
Why did the calendar put on running shoes on January 1?
It wanted a fresh start!
Why did the kid put the new calendar in the freezer?
To give the year a cool start!
What do you call a calendar that tells jokes?
A year-round entertainer!
Why was the old calendar nervous on December 31?
Its days were numbered!
What’s a calendar’s favorite New Year’s snack?
Dates!
Why did the calendar smile when January arrived?
It was ready to turn over a new leaf!
Why did the calendars stop arguing on January 1?
They wanted to start on the same page!
Party puns
Why does bread love New Year’s Eve?
Everyone wants to make a toast!
What do cows say at midnight?
“Happy Moo Year!”
What do cats wish each other on New Year’s Eve?
A happy Mew Year!
What did the fireworks say at midnight?
“Let’s make this year a blast!”
What do you call someone who bursts every New Year’s balloon?
A party popper!
Why did the New Year’s Eve band hire a balloon?
It knew how to play pop music!
Why did the grapes love the New Year’s party?
They got to raisin the roof!
What did the DJ drop at midnight?
The beat!
What kind of singing do New Year’s party hats like?
A cap-pella!
What music do robots request at a New Year’s party?
Heavy metal!
Why were the New Year’s balloons such good friends?
They always lifted each other up!
Silly resolutions
What was the spider’s New Year’s resolution?
Spend less time on the web!
What was the computer’s New Year’s resolution?
Stop crashing!
What was the tree’s New Year’s resolution?
Branch out!
What was the snowman’s New Year’s resolution?
Keep his cool!
What was the baker’s New Year’s resolution?
Rise to the occasion!
What was the music note’s New Year’s resolution?
Stay out of treble!
What was the broom’s New Year’s resolution?
Make a clean sweep!
What was the trampoline’s New Year’s resolution?
Bounce back!
Why didn’t the donut make a New Year’s resolution?
It was already well-rounded!
How am I keeping my New Year’s resolution to read more?
I turned on the TV subtitles!
What was the pencil’s New Year’s resolution?
Stay sharp!
What was the glue’s New Year’s resolution?
Stick to its plans!
What was the battery’s New Year’s resolution?
Make a positive change!
What was the elevator’s New Year’s resolution?
Stop letting people down!
A little laughter for your countdown
Take turns reading a question and guessing the answer. Select your favorites for a joke sheet, print our top twelve for a countdown, or print all forty to keep the giggles going. Younger kids can celebrate at noon: ring in the laughs whenever your family is ready.
More holiday laughs
Thanksgiving jokes · 101 Christmas jokes · All jokes for kids