Funny Top 100 Animal Jokes

Kid Jokes jeffprongo 0

  1. Why does the giraffe have such a long neck?
    Because his head is so far from his body.
  2. Why did the turkey cross the road?
    To prove he wasn’t chicken.
  3. What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?
    An alarm cluck.
  4. What is a jaguar’s favorite day of the week?
    Chewsday.
  5. Why did the lion throw up after he’d eaten a priest?
    Because it’s hard to keep a good man down.
  6. Why are dogs such poor dancers?
    They have two left feet.
  7. What’s big and gray, sings, and wears a mask?
    The Elephantom of the Opera.
  8. What do caterpillars study in school?
    Mothmatics.
  9. Why did the dachshund bite the woman’s ankle?
    Because he was too short to reach her knee.
  10. Is chicken soup good for your health?
    Not if you’re a chicken.
  11. What fish only swims at night?
    A starfish.
  12. What’s striped and bouncy?
    A tiger on a pogo stick.
  13. Why did the watch dog run in circles?
    He needed winding.
  14. What do cows like to do on Friday nights?
    Go to the moovies.
  15. What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoons?
    They go on peck-nics.
  16. Why are elephants gray?
    So you can tell them apart from flamingos.
  17. Why do waiters like gorillas better than flies?
    No customer has ever complained about a gorilla in his soup.
  18. Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
    Because chickens hadn’t evolved yet.
  19. What’s gray and stands in the rains but doesn’t get wet?
    An elephant with an umbrella.
  20. Why are snakes hard to fool?
    They have no legs to pull.
  21. Which fish can perform operations?
    A sturgeon.
  22. How do you keep a dog from barking in your front yard?
    Put him in your backyard.
  23. Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet?
    He wanted to see the floor show.
  24. Where does seaweed look for a job?
    In the kelp wanted ads.
  25. How do you catch a runaway dog?
    Hide behind a tree and make a noise like a bone.
  26. When is a car like a frog?
    When it’s being toad.
  27. Why do elephants have trunks?
    Because they would look silly carrying suitcases.
  28. What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker?
    A bird that talks in Morse Code.
  29. What looks like half a cat?
    The other half.
  30. What kind of dog do a vampires like?
    Bloodhounds.
  31. Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?
    He was trying to make both ends meet.
  32. What’s the difference between a cougar and a lion?
    A cougar has the mane part missing.
  33. What’s the biggest moth in the world?
    A mammoth.
  34. Why did the chicken cross the road?
    To prove to the armadillo that it could be done.
  35. How do you know if you have a stupid dog?
    It chases parked cars.
  36. When is the most likely time that a stray dog will walk into your house?
    When the door is open.
  37. How did the dog feel when he lost his flashlight?
    Delighted.
  38. What do angry rodents send each other at Christmas time?
    Cross mouse cards.
  39. What do you get if you cross a dog with a telephone?
    A golden receiver.
  40. Why did the cow cross the road?
    To get to the udder side.
  41. What do you call young dogs who have come in from the snow?
    Slush puppies.
  42. How does a lion greet other animals?
    “Pleased to eat you.”
  43. What did the dog say when he finally caught his tail?
    “This is the end.”
  44. What’s gray and wrinkly and jumps every twenty seconds?
    An elephant with hiccups.
  45. What happened to the leopard that took a bath three times a day?
    After a week he was spotless.
  46. What do you get if you cross Lassie with a rose?
    A collie-flower.
  47. What’s the difference between an elephant and a banana?
    You wouldn’t want to try to peel an elephant.
  48. What did the lioness say to the cub chasing a hunter?
    “Stop playing with your food.”
  49. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
    Fsh.
  50. What steps would you take if you were being chased by an elephant?
    Big ones.
  51. How do you make a dog float?
    Take a glass of soda, then add two scoops of ice cream and a small dog.
  52. What do you call a show full of lions?
    The mane event.
  53. Why is it better to play a guitar instead of a fish?
    You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish.
  54. What happened to the man who tried to cross a lion with a goat?
    He had to get a new goat.
  55. What part of a fish weighs the most?
    Its scales.
  56. How is a cowardly dog like a leaky faucet?
    They both run.
  57. What do tigers sing at Christmas?
    “Jungle Bells”.
  58. Which animal should you never play cards with?
    A cheetah.
  59. How do you fit five elephants into a car?
    Put two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the glove compartment.
  60. What is the fiercest flower in the garden?
    The tiger lily.
  61. What do you call a lion who has your mother’s sister for dinner?
    An aunt-eater.
  62. Where do birds invest their money?
    In the stork market.
  63. How does a leopard change its spots?
    It just gets up and walks over to a new spot.
  64. What happened when the cat ate a ball of yarn?
    She had mittens.
  65. What do you call a dog with no legs?
    It doesn’t matter what you call him, he still won’t come.
  66. What’s gray and goes round and round?
    An elephant in a washing machine.
  67. What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?
    Frostbite.
  68. Why did the farmer cross the road?
    To catch the chicken.
  69. What subject are snakes good at school?
    Hiss-tory.
  70. What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
    The Codfather.
  71. Why do skunks argue a lot?
    Because they like to raise a stink.
  72. What do you get when your dog is sprayed by a skunk?
    Rid of the dog.
  73. What do you get from an Alaskan cow?
    Ice cream.
  74. Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud, and cross the road again?
    Because he was a dirty double-crosser.
  75. How did tuna fish get their name?
    Because they don’t swim in pairs. Are there two of those fish? Nah. Two? Nah!
    [from the song “Sponges” by The Arrogant Worms]
  76. Why did the crab get arrested?
    Because he was always pinching things.
  77. What do whales eat?
    Fish and ships.
  78. Why do firemen bring a Dalmatian with them when they go to a fire?
    To help them find the fire hydrant.
  79. Why do eagles spend most of their time on their knees?
    Because they are birds of prey.
  80. Why did the farmer name his pig Ink?
    Because he kept running out of the pen.
  81. What do you say when you meet a toad?
    Wart’s new.
  82. What’s green and red goes round and round?
    A frog in a blender.
  83. When is the best time to buy a bird?
    When they’re going “Cheep.”
  84. Why is a pillow like a roasted turkey?
    Because they’re both full of stuffing.
  85. How can a bird with a broken wing land safely?
    He uses a parrotchute.
  86. Why did the dog take a nap on the chandelier?
    He was a light sleeper.
  87. What is green and pecks on trees?
    Woody Woodpickle.
  88. What’s the difference between a sick elephant and seven days?
    One is a weak one and the other is one week.
  89. What do you call a crate of ducks?
    A box of quackers.
  90. What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?
    An udder failure.
  91. What do you get if you cross a leopard with a doberman?
    A terrified mailman.
  92. Where do hornets and bees go when they are sick?
    The waspital.
  93. Why did the pony cough?
    Because he was a little horse.
  94. What is a duck’s favorite part of the evening news?
    The feather forecast.
  95. What do you call an cow that lives in Alaska?
    An eskimoo.
  96. Why did the pig go to the casino?
    To play the slop machine.
  97. What kind of ducks are popular on New Year’s Eve?
    Firequackers.
  98. What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?
    With a cowculator.
  99. How long are a dog’s legs?
    Long enough to reach the ground.
  100. What do you call a crazy chicken?
    A cuckoo-cluck.