101 plus Animal Jokes

Kid Jokes jeffprongo 0

  1. What do you call a crazy chicken?
    A cuckoo-cluck.
  2. How do fish get to school?
    They ride the octobus.
  3. How does an elephant get out of a small car?
    The same way that he got in.
  4. What do you call a kangaroo in Africa?
    Lost.
  5. Where do you take sick ponies?
    To the horsepital.
  6. Which bird is always out of breath?
    A puffin.
  7. If you had fifteen cows and five goats, what would you have?
    Plenty of milk.
  8. Why do dairy farmers never have to cut the grass?
    Because they have plenty of lawn-mooers.
  9. Where did the pioneers keep their pigs?
    In hog cabins.
  10. What kind of fish will help you hear better?
    A herring aid.
  11. Why did the turtle cross the road?
    To get to the shell station.
  12. Why do elephants have wrinkly ankles?
    Because their shoes are too tight.
  13. What do you call a pig thief?
    A hamburglar.
  14. What’s the best way to keep milk from turning sour?
    Leave it inside the cow.
  15. What did the dog take when he was run down?
    The license number of the car that hit him.
  16. What’s blue and has big ears?
    An elephant at the North Pole.
  17. What goes “peck, bang, peck, bang, peck, bang”?
    A bunch of chickens in a room filled with balloons.
  18. How do you take a pig to hospital?
    In a hambulance.
  19. Why did the owl howl?
    Because the woodpecker would peck her.
  20. What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
    An egg-splosion.
  21. What has four legs and flies?
    A pig.
  22. What do you give a sick bird?
    Medical tweetment.
  23. What is a polygon?
    A dead parrot.
  24. Why did the dog take a bag of oats to bed at night?
    To feed his nightmares.
  25. What kind of shoes do frogs like?
    Open toad sandals.
  26. What do you call a clever duck?
    A wise quacker.
  27. What’s gray with red spots?
    An elephant with the measles.
  28. What kind of dog chases anything red?
    A bull dog.
  29. How do you know that owls are smarter than chickens?
    Have you ever heard of Kentucky Fried Owl?
  30. What is the cat’s favorite TV show?
    The evening mews.
  31. What do snakes have written on their bath towels?
    Hiss and Hers.
  32. What’s the difference between an elephant and a piece of paper?
    You can’t do your homework on an elephant.
  33. What bird steals from the rich to give to the poor?
    Robin Hood.
  34. Why do birds fly south for the winter?
    Because it’s too far to walk.
  35. What do you call a cat that has just eaten a whole duck?
    A duck-filled fatty puss.
  36. What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
    A croaker spaniel.
  37. What flies through the jungle singing opera?
    The Parrots of Penzance.
  38. Why did the salamander feel lonely?
    Because he was newt to the area.
  39. What did the Dalmatian say after a big meal?
    That hit the spots.
  40. What did the cow buy a new MP3 player?
    Because she loves listening to moosic.
  41. What’s big and gray and lives in a lake in Scotland?
    The Loch Ness Elephant.
  42. What happened to the elephant who ran away with the circus?
    The police made him bring it back.
  43. What does a cat call a bowl of mice?
    A purrfect meal.
  44. What game do cows play at parties?
    Moosical chairs.
  45. What do you give a pony with a cold?
    Cough stirrup.
  46. Why was the cat so small?
    Because it only ate condensed milk.
  47. Why did the farmer take his cow dancing?
    He was in the mood for a milkshake.
  48. What do you get if you cross a snake and a Lego set?
    A boa constructor.
  49. What snakes are good at math?
    Adders.
  50. Which hand would you use to pick up a dangerous snake?
    Someone else’s.
  51. How are cats like coins?
    They have a head on one end and a tail on the other.
  52. What have 12 legs, six eyes, three tails and can’t see?
    Three blind mice.
  53. What’s a snake’s favorite song?
    “Snake, Rattle, & Roll”.
  54. What’s a toad’s favorite ballet?
    Swamp Lake.
  55. What do cats read in the morning?
    Mewspapers.
  56. What do you call a scared dinosaur?
    A nervous rex.
  57. Who granted the fish’s wish?
    The Fairy Cod Mother.
  58. What does a twenty-pound mouse say to a cat?
    “Here kitty, kitty, kitty.”
  59. Why did the dog’s owner think his dog was a great mathematician?
    When he asked the dog what six minus six was, the dog said nothing.
  60. What did the snail say when she road on the turtle’s back?
    “Wheeeeeeeeeeee!”
  61. Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?
    He wanted to get a long little doggie.
  62. What is a frog’s favorite warm drink?
    Hot croako.
  63. Why is a chipmunk braver than a hen?
    Because te chipmunk isn’t chicken.
  64. What did the cat do after he swallowed some cheese?
    He waited by the mouse hole with baited breath.
  65. How do you raise a baby elephant?
    With a fork lift.
  66. Why do elephants have flat feet?
    From jumping out of tall trees.
  67. Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper?
    The elevator was broken.
  68. How do you make a green gorilla?
    Cross a blue gorilla with a yellow one.
  69. If you put 20 tigers, 10 gorillas, and 1 elephant in your kitchen, what do you have?
    A very large kitchen.
  70. What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show?
    “Whale Of Fortune”.
  71. What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
    Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
  72. What’s a frog’s favorite candy?
    Lollihops.
  73. What did the dog tell his owner when he saw the dogcatcher coming?
    Nothing. Dogs don’t talk.
  74. What do you name an elephant that lies across the middle of a tennis court?
    Annette.
  75. Why do dogs run in circles?
    Because it’s hard to run in squares.
  76. What gray, has a wand and huge wings, and gives money to young elephants?
    The tusk fairy.
  77. What is a mouse’s favorite game?
    Hide and squeak.
  78. What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
    A boar constrictor.
  79. Why did the cat sleep under the car?
    Because she wanted to wake up oily.
  80. How many hairs are in a dog’s tail?
    None. They are all on the outside.
  81. What’s gray and lights up?
    An electric elephant.
  82. Why didn’t the boy advertise in the paper when his dog was lost?
    His dog never reads the paper.
  83. What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
    Morse Toad.
  84. What’s gray, carries a bunch of flowers, and cheers you up when you are sick?
    A get wellephant.
  85. What do you do if your dog eats your pen?
    Use a pencil instead.
  86. What’s big and gray with horns?
    An elephant marching band.
  87. Why is a dog like a baseball player?
    He runs for home when he sees the catcher coming.
  88. What’s the difference between an injured elephant and a thunderstorm?
    One roars with pain and the other pours with rain.
  89. What do dogs have that no other animal has?
    Puppies.
  90. What is an octopus’s favorite song?
    “I Wanna Hold Your Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand”.
  91. What do you call a mouse that can pick up an elephant?
    Sir.
  92. What’s gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside?
    A mouse sandwich.
  93. Why do dogs lie down?
    They can’t lie up.
  94. What’s the best way to see a charging herd of elephants?
    On television.
  95. Why does a dog scratch himself?
    He is the only one that knows where it itches.
  96. Why was the frog sad?
    He was unhoppy.
  97. What’s gray and beautiful and wears glass slippers?
    Cinderelephant.
  98. Why is a dog so warm in summer?
    He wears a coat and pants.
  99. Why wasn’t the dog hurt when he fell off a 100-foot ladder?
    He fell from the bottom rung.
  100. Why does a stork stand on one leg?
    Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
  101. What cereal goes “Snap! Crackle! Squeak!”?
    Mice Krispies.
  102. What pill would you give to an elephant that can’t sleep?
    A trunkquilizer.
  103. What do you do if you find a venomous snake in your toilet?
    Wait until he’s finished.
  104. When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
    When you’re a mouse.
  105. What’s big and gray and protects you from the rain?
    An umbrellaphant.
  106. Why do you need a license for a dog but not for a cat?
    Cats can’t drive.
  107. What weighs 4 tons and is bright red?
    An elephant holding its breath.
  108. How do fleas travel from place to place?
    By itch hiking.
  109. What’s yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
    An elephant in a banana costume.
  110. Why do birds fly south in Winter?
    Because its too far to walk.
  111. What do you call a monkey with an elephant on his head?
    Squashed.
  112. Why can’t you find a good animal doctor?
    Animals have a hard time getting into medical school.
  113. Why did the hen go halfway across the road and stop?
    She wanted to lay it on the line.
  114. What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?
    “Let us prey.”